i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
