so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize