i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
People in love make me want to vomit
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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