My balls are so social today.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
