Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
