I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
