I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
