Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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