I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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