I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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