So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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