I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
