Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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