Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
