There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
