Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
