Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
