Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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