i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
