I smell stomach acid.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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