he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Life is so much better after having sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
