Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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