So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
