You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
