Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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