these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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