Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
