Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
