May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
