Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
