Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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