You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
