just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
