All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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