Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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