My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
