Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
