there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can I color on your dick again?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
