I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Less talking, more tequila
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
