seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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