so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
