Your dad touched me again.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
