Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
