Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
