chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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