I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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