Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
