??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
