She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
