Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
