I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
is it fun? or sober?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
