I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
