Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
