i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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