I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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