There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
