I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
