your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
