you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
