Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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