She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
