I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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