pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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