I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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