that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
