Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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