Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
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Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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