this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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