Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
