Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
