Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
