Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm having to shit out rocks
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