Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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